You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
