how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
