I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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