either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
