Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
