no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
