that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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