i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
