She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
