i permit you to call me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
