Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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