I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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