Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
