Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
