All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
