Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
