it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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