I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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