How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
