yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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