I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
bring money and cleavage
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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