For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
