eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
