buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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