It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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