you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
