We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
