i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
