Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The police scanner is talking about you again....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
