Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
