During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You brought string cheese to the strip club
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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