Are we in a gay sports bar?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
