Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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