I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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