Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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