K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
do herpes really smell.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
