I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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