I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
