So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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