When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
