He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
