How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
either way he was missing a nipple.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
