He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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