When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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