this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
