I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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