my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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