so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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