SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
