idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
