dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
